The Hills Have Eyes is an example of modern dramatic genius, a story of family solidarity in a harsh world, a portrait of a father who will go to any lengths to protect his child.

No, I'm just joking. It sucks. Hollywood has given itself a tough act to follow: the studios will be hard pressed to make a worse film during the remainder of this calendar year.

The movie is based on Wes Craven's 1977 horror film of the same name, where a family on a cross-country trip takes a shortcut through a former nuclear testing ground in New Mexico, and is terrorized by a group of genetically deformed mutant cannibals.

It goes like this: family in a Suburban and renovated Airstream pulls into gas station 200 miles from nowhere; creepy station attendant suggests little-known shortcut; they are mysteriously stranded; dog takes a stroll and is gutted; father walks back to gas station and gets in car without checking the back seat first, is burned at the stake in front of family as a diversion while two mutants attack women in trailer, killing mom and eldest sister and stealing sister's baby. Son-in-law goes looking for baby with baseball bat and beats up a bunch of overinflated sacks of skin. Cool head explosions. Remaining sister and brother defend trailer but bodies stolen and mom munched on. Trailer gets blown up, dad finds baby through bloody ordeal and help of second dog, but leaves loaded gun next to body that is meant to be dead, providing the necessary plot occurrence required for mutant little girl to sacrifice herself for baby's protection by killing mean mutant who looks like Jake Busey. Everybody lives happily ever after.

Save your money.